In my Fit Mamma’s BoxFit classes especially from new students, I often hear an over-use of the words ‘I CAN’T’, it’s usually about doing a specific exercise, such as a press up. Not only is it banned from my class, but there is also a £1 charge for its usage to be donated to charity. You are quick to find out that other students will develop a radar for ‘I cant’s’ and willingly snitch on their comrades for free, in the guise of supporting a charitable cause!
The reason for the ban is that the words ‘I CAN’T’ create an imagined obstacle, leading to perceived failure before students have even tried to do the activity. Let me say that again for the people at the back, Before Students Have EVEN Tried!!! I assure everyone that over time they will be able to do the particular exercise and usually more than they even imagine, this is often followed by murmurs and nods from other students who remember being in their shoes.
‘I CAN’T’ creates a mental barrier that stops people from trying to overcome or rise above their perceived defeat or failure. ‘I CAN’T’ is a disempowering statement that helps feed your mind to give up before you have even begun your quest. The beauty of our mind is whatever we continually feed it, will grow and develop with wings and before we know it, spread like wildfire to other areas of our life. ‘I CAN’T’ may start small but over time will weaken our mental strength in achieving the best for our-self and our family.
Here are my suggestions;
REPLACE & REFRAME
Replace the words ‘I CAN’T’ with ‘IT’S A CHALLENGE’, which then reframes and creates a mental state where you automatically feel competitively empowered to dispute, fight and overcome it.
My response to, ‘I CAN’T’ statements ‘so you find this particular exercise challenging?’ This opens up exploration and automatically reduces it too less than a catastrophe, de-personalises it and makes achieving it more palatable.
CONTEXTUALISE
As we know from past experience most tasks or activities are challenging at first when we don’t know it. I verbalise this to the student, so that it provides a context where they can make references to other aspects of their life which were initially challenging but are now second nature. This also helps them to normalise their feelings as they see that they are not alone and others have experience the same challenges, even me!
MENTAL STRENGTH
The next action will be to encourage them to ‘start strong’ this is my class mantra, we don’t start weak and then try to build up. Fit Mammas start strong which creates a mental message that reminds us we have the strength to do it! But like most types of strength it has to be exercised regularly before it can build up and become stronger. So, I motivate my students to gradually build up from one press up, to two and so on, making sure they monitor their progress and achievements.
BELIEVE TO ACHIEVE
The students who are quick to say ‘I CAN’T’ usually with a bit of coaxing (aka shouting) are the ones that can do a lot more than they envisioned initially. However, there are some students who do not even attempt the activity or for example stay on their knees continuously to press up and wonder why they rarely progress. Their mind is already in a defeatist state of doing the easiest action first, which then makes any effort to develop seem twice as hard.
What you believe you will achieve – START STRONG!
Your mind is a powerful vessel which can either work for your or against you. Be careful what you feed it. Statements such as ‘I am weak’, ‘I am rubbish’, ‘I am no good’ sends these exact messages to your brain which your mind then tries to find external evidence to support. Your mind believes whatever you feed it, negative or positive. Don’t let ‘I CAN’T’ & the critical self-talk stop you from progressing and achieving your dreams, its disempowering, emotionally draining and has a negative impact for you and those around you. Instead break down your challenges into specific points as this may highlight where you need extra support or development.
Reverse statements such as, I am stressed – to – I am feeling overwhelmed or ‘this is a problem – to – this is an opportunity!
You may be surprised at the result. Become aware of negative self talk around you from family, friends, children and don’t be afraid to challenge it!
Be honest how many things this week have you said ‘I CAN’T’ too?
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