Newsflash: Cinderella and Prince Charming are in Couples Therapy!

Remember the story of Cinderella…yes the children’s fairy tale where Cinderella grows up without her biological mother and is badly treated by her wicked stepmother and two ugly sisters.  Yes that one… Then one night Prince Charming throws a ball and everyone is allowed to go except for Cinders.  But then her fairy godmother magically appears and gives her a 60second makeover and she goes to the ball looking fabulous! She meets and dances with the handsome Prince Charming, but of course the curve ball is, she must return back at 12am or else her true identity revealed, and façade will be gone!

Yes I am retelling  the story just in case, there maybe someone out there, you never know who somehow missed this classic fairy tale.  Anyway, let me continue, as she rushes to leave at 12 she forgets her shoe, a glass slipper and Prince Charming searches for days for the owner, the mysterious woman he met and danced with…finally after searching high and low he finds her and they get married and live happily ever after!  The End…. Well did you know it was the end of the chapter but not their story!! Ever wonder what happened to them both? Neither did I! Well until I became inspired to write this post.

I remember reading Cinderella as a child and like most children I felt enchanted, almost envious of Cinders happy ending, Prince Charming rescuing Cinderella and taking her away from the evil stepmother and all that ill treatment, I really thought about her when I had to do my own household chores!!  You could just imagine the egg on the stepmother’s face, the moment, when the prince announced that he would marry Cinders and take her away.  I can visualise the middle finger that Cinders may have shown as she waltzes off into the sunrise with her prince!

Some of us, especially us girls really bought into the narrative, growing up and waiting, hoping and praying to also be rescued one day by our very own Prince Charming.  Yes some of us literally bought into the fairy tale that someone, some man, will come and save us, free us from our shackles and our seemingly pitiful existence!  It didn’t necessarily need to be from a stepmother but maybe being rescued from an unsatisfactory situation or ourselves even, on to better things, providing us with all that we have ever dreamed.  Hoping that this recuse mission would make us feel whole, complete, that are ‘real’ life could finally start!  Some of you are still waiting, still longing, no longer children, but full-arsed grown hardback women still waiting for that prince to come and save you.

Yes sorry I can be harsh…a kill joy, call me Kill Joy Ni!

Don’t get me wrong there is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting for or hopefully preparing for a ‘perfect’ man, partner, mate, companion or husband.  After all we are not programmed to be alone we are social and relational beings, who crave, need and thrive of intimacy, belonging, love & connection.

But issues arise when we stay waiting for someone else to come along to make us feel whole or fix us…unfortunately that doesn’t always end well.  Instead, we may unknowingly attract, the wrong type of suitors, predators, manipulators, narcissist who can spot and smell your ‘neediness’ a mile away, as you unknowingly reek energetically of desperation in whatever you are craving and looking to be saved from… their antennas prick up, you my beauty are on their radar… as their predator senses are stimulated…. look their she is lacking in self-worth, self -esteem, confidence…. Let me swarm in and give her a pill for that!  Unfortunately, some men and women literally prey on vulnerable women.

Sometimes you can figure it out relatively quickly, with low collateral damage but unfortunately sometimes it may take a while longer, after a lot more investment. I know through my client work and personal experience how hard the repair work after the encounter can be!

Through no fault of your own, some seemingly Prince Charming’s are more like wolves in sheep’s clothing, and because of our longing and unmet needs we can become blindsided and may ignore the initial signs, giving up our self-worth to the first and lowest bidder.  Emotionally we can be left in tatters as the glimpse of niceness we once saw disappears like quicksand.  We look and wonder what happened to our Prince Charming?!

But before we start a pity-party, let me pass you a tissue and give you a little water to help you swallow this, blunt truth!  There isn’t anyone who can make you feel whole or fulfilled YOU KNOW THIS!  Of course, many people will be there to help, guide, facilitate, reflect and deflect but ultimately the hard work, self and personal development, will be yours.  Have you heard the annoying phrase about ‘finding that special someone when you’re not looking’…well it’s true, when you are doing ‘you’, you are energetically attracting your level of awesomeness…whilst living your best!

No one will be able to give you inner peace, fulfilment, meaning, love or happiness, you need to find it yourself.  Until you learn to discover, reconnect with your inner joy, that magic, nobody else can pour that into you, they can only compliment what you already have inside.  Stop looking outside of yourself, you have everything you need right inside of you!  Get comfortable with being uncomfortable, do the work that is needed to attract and receive the type of person, friend or situation you truly desire from a wholesome energy space and belief of abundance and love, not desperation or fear!  When your self-love cup is filled, you can become more discerning of whether someone is right for you regardless of their worlds, silver tongue… all that glitters is not gold and you deserve to reflect your awesomeness.  Well done if you have found that already and no I am not talking about Mr/Mrs Perfect either, but someone perfect for you, where you are equally yoked and can provide each other with a healthy balance.

Oh yeah, I nearly forgot Cinderella and Prince Charming, are in couples therapy!  What Cinderella didn’t know, was she was leaving one abusive situation with her stepmother to step into another form – neglect, as she hadn’t done the necessary self-development.  Prince Charming felt it was enough that he had nuff money and stayed out most nights ‘balling’ and raving, whilst Cinderella was left at home alone, night after night.  She felt lonely, and started drinking more and more, feeling isolated, crying herself to sleep and when she tried to talk about it.  Prince Charming felt that she was being ungrateful, and told her so, in fact he called her an ungrateful cow many times.  He would say “why are you complaining, compared to what you had before,  you now have the garms, a nice home, fancy car and can pop style on your stepmother and sisters. Plus, you weren’t exactly open about who you really were when we met!” kmt, “Like what more do you want?!  Where she would silently mutter – ‘your love and attention’… His love language was gifts… hers was quality time. It got to the point that she was ready to leave but without working on herself she actually had not established any independence and now felt powerless.  This only added to her feeling needy, worthless and depressed.

Luckily she lived close to her good good friend Belle (remember Beauty and the Beast), well Bella who now looked busted, due to having plenty children, was actually more stressed because she was forever running after the lazy, ill mannered Beast, who was still the bad tempered guy, but of course she knew this when she first met him!  She warned Cinders ‘run gyal run’ deep down she wished she had run…

Luckily Cinders with the guidance of her postive fairy Godmother (please listen to your postive minded friends) opted go to Couples therapy, Prince Charming reluctantly agreed but hes there each week, both are working on their marriage…who knows how the story will end.  The good news is that Cinders has enrolled herself back to college, and is looking to set up a cleaning business.

The therapist enabled heard to rediscover her worth, build her confidence and boost her self-esteem, she learnt an important lesson after a long road of always caring and looking after others, that being self-focused is not selfish.

There are many wonderful men and women, not just romantic partners but friends and people you can connect with, don’t wait, do the necessary work to build and grow.

Ask yourself how can I be the heroine in my own story?

I hope I haven’t destroyed any childhood fantasies.  Feel free to contact me for emotional support and wellness coaching.

Until Next Time Moor Love Family

Naomi x

Ps Not all fairy tales went left, Little Red Riding Hood is doing great and delivers a coaching workshop to girls titled ‘5 Steps to Beating the Wolf’ & Rapunzel and her husband are doing great in property development.