Vagina, pussy, pum pum, punani, whatever you call it, it’s renowned for being one of the sweetest, most pleasurable things in the world! With the ability to provide not just sexual pleasure to ourselves but also to another human being, both partaking, sharing and extending this sexual creative energy inwards and outwards towards the universe, magnificently, being able to produce and bring forth life.
That sweet nectar, that you possess between your legs is one of the most sought-after jewels, its priceless! I kid you not, just look around and observe the actions of men who are almost controlled by it. Yes obviously, there is more attraction to being female, a woman, than what’s between your legs, but stay with me a moment as we focus on that spot. In fact, let’s take 1 minute of silence, to honour and extend our gratitude towards its magnificence and often devalued greatness. Don’t you think after all this time, we should have a ‘National Vagina Appreciation Day’, where people bring gifts, to honour it’s beauty, sparkle and Vajazzle.
Anyway seriously…let’s indulge in this moment, as you bring your awareness between your legs, homing in, on that mind, body and energy connection. Your vagina, the base of your Sacral Chakra, home to your sexual and creative energy, the root of your emotions, expression of sensuality and feelings. Reflect on its power. It’s yours, touch it…
As you take a moment to resonate with my words, are they stirring any emotions? (Sorry my Counsellor hat is on.) Do you feel offended? Is my attempt at humour distasteful? Or do my words just sound plain vulgar, nasty or too forward? For many women, even now, just to hear the word ‘vagina’ causes an uneasy reaction as if they do not possess one, as if the mere thought of their vagina, may actually cause someone else offence. Some women even express shame, hate and feelings of guilt, which is unsurprising since many women and girls have experienced sexual oppression, abuse, rape, violence & FGM.
But in actual fact our vaginas are nothing to be ashamed of. They are the root to the world, our spiritual manifestations, feminine creativity, wisdom, expression and wellbeing. Part of our development and healing, is to start reconnecting and celebrating our vaginas more. Yes, we are more than our vagina’s but our vagina’s are a part of us, whether we focus on them or not.
Okay next is a little red triangle…
If my words have made you feel uncomfortable, stop reading now, as I’m about to go in, a little deeper! I wannna focus our attention specifically to sexual pleasure. Remember the title, is The Big O. Girlfriend you know what this is, yes I wanna talk about Orgasms. O-R-G-A-S-M. Girl stop blushing!
Remember the orgasm that was acted out by Meg Ryan in the 1989 film ‘When Harry met Sally’ (gosh I’m exposing my age now). I will never forget the earth shattering sounds she made in the crowded restaurant, where she began acting out an imaginary orgasm. I kept wondering, why the heck don’t I sound or feel like that?! Then I remembered it was only a film and calmed down. However, many years later in conversations with friends, after a few glasses, occasional the topic would pop up, and most of their accounts of whether they had experienced an orgasm or not, all seemed to widely differ. Some saying they had never experienced an orgasm, a couple suggesting multiple orgasms were their norm and few saying they could only orgasm through clitoral stimulation. Who said women were complex.
So, for those of you still not fully aware, let me put on my white jacket and throw down some sexual pop education. According to the NHS-UK, our most trusted source of information, when a women climaxes, …”an intense pleasurable release of sexual tension is accompanied by contractions of the genital muscles. A woman may be able to experience more than one orgasm shortly after the first if she continues to be stimulated. A minority of women may ejaculate, and a clear fluid spurts from glands close to the urethra during intense sexual excitement or during orgasm. The glands are called the Skene’s glands.”
Female ejaculation also known as ‘Squirting’ has been receiving a lot of attention lately. One guy asked me recently, if I had squirted and the look on his face when I said no, made me feel like some inferior inadequate species. Talk about another added pressure! Ironically, according to Pornhub, 44% of women are more likely to search for squirting videos compared to men. (Hmmm I wonder why.)
But anyway, how many of you women reading this have experienced an orgasm? Be honest. I’m not sure why I’m asking all these questions, since I can’t even hear your answers. Maybe I am hoping that it may stimulate you, no, not like that! I mean provide you with some food for thought, get you thinking about your own selfish, self-focused sexual pleasure, separate from sex with your partner. Dare I say it (looks left and right before typing the word) ‘masturbation’, self-pleasure, reconnecting with your own body.
Releasing sexual tension and climaxing is probably one of the most fun, pleasurable, empowering and liberating things a woman can do. There are also many health benefits too, it boost your immune system, increases your pain thresholds, helps you sleep better, makes you happier and may even help you live longer!
Sigmund Freud the famous Psychoanalyst, spent a great deal of time writing about the ‘Oedipus Complex’ in young boys, which he believed would help them to develop a mature sexual identity, but he never really mentioned the same for girls. Instead he suggested girls developed Penis Envy, PENIS ENVY! How many of you are suffering from penis envy? Come on if you were allowed to have a penis for one day and become a man would you accept? How long, honestly, would it take for you to want to have sex with your new-found penis?
Well the only penis envy I know, is the almost near certainty of the penis to orgasm a lot more than the vagina! One study found that men experience orgasm about 85 percent of the time compared to women, which was 62% of the time. Although some suggest this maybe even lower. However, the study also found that lesbian women had the highest rates of orgasm at 75% and bisexual women had the lowest rate at 58%. Interesting difference…. (Variation in Orgasm Occurrence by Sexual Orientation in a Sample of U.S. Singles, Garcia et al, 2014)
Most of you if not all, have probably heard of the ‘G-Spot’, known as the “gynaecological UFO”, where there have been many G-spot “sightings,” but scientists still have a hard time proving its existence. The G-Spot is located inside the vagina, so if you answered yes earlier, to experiencing an orgasm, was it clitoral or vaginal? Do you know the difference? If you don’t maybe it’s because the size of a clitoris is said to be the same size as a medium courgette! Google my friend. Apparently the externally visible part of the clitoris is puny, but that is literally the tip of an iceberg that extends deep beneath the pubis, five inches down either wall of the vagina, consists of six separate parts, and carries more nerve endings than the penis!
The confusion is further highlighted in some excerpts from women about their orgasms (derived from Bustle.com)
“Whether from direct clitoral stimulation or from internal stimulation, all my orgasms have always originated in my clitoris….”
“…Clit orgasms are more reliable. I don’t always get them from oral. It’s easier to just give them to myself.”
If you have never masturbated or self pleasured, did you know, there is even an interactive app by a team of so called ‘masturbation geniuses’ to help! https://www.omgyes.com/try-it whereby you’re stimulating a woman through your mouse and she’s providing feedback. Apparently, it’s an intense guides to some of the ways that real women make themselves ‘come’, teaching you about how to do it properly.
Didn’t I warn you that if you felt uncomfortable, you should have stopped reading earlier, it’s too late now!
Anyway, coming (excuse the pun) to an end, there is a lot to be learnt about our vagina’s through masturbation, self-pleasure and orgasm, especially if your lacking in this area! Unfortunately, there is still a lot of stigma surrounding women’s sexuality, whether shaped by society, culture, race, religion, age, the media, everything to help keep us ignorant and disconnected from ourselves. I mean seriously apart from periods or pregnancy, did your mother or anyone talk to you about, sexual pleasure, orgasm, your clitoris? Were you just expected to gain this knowledge from books, trial and error, your partner or self-explorations? If you have children, have you had conversations about this with your daughters, your sons? Are there differences in how you view self-pleasure for your sons compared to daughters? I know I have heard mother’s joke about son’s playing with their ‘willies’ but would certainly chastised daughters for attempting the same.
With all this over-sexualised images and stories in the media, and the perception that women nowadays are much more open or liberated about sex, sexual pleasure. For me this openness is more about women becoming sexual ‘objects’, not for their own sake or empowerment, but almost just to lure, tempt or for the benefit of another person. However, this mindset still seems undeveloped, lacking, emotionally, spiritually, where many equate sexual empowerment, with the mere physicality of sleeping with many partners, having one-night stands, orgies etc but still may never experience the beautiful connection, bond and understanding of their body, their vagina, yoni, sexual desires and creativity.
Anyway I am not sure what The Big O represent for you, but for me it represents empowerment, sexual liberation, feminine expression, sensuality and freedom!
My first New Year New Yoni event is on the 17th January, the theme is the title of this blog, it aims to help women reconnect & remove the perception that our vagina’s or sexual pleasure is something dirty or to be ashamed of and help us move towards understanding our inner-self as well as each other.
Naomi Davidson
Womanist, Wellbeing Specialist & Founder of OrangeMoonWellbeing.com
#Wellbeing #Women #Empowerment #AngryVaginaTalks
PPs. Check out these interesting 10 Orgasm Facts!
MoorYoni.com 