Ok just to be clear this post is NOT a side chick battering but a side chick offering.
I want to talk to all the side chicks who are knowingly or unknowingly putting themselves into this role (of the other woman or any woman accepting anything short of her worth). Stop it now!
#SideChickAlert
Why? Because you are short changing yourself and blocking the possibilities of the many blessings and happiness, you could receive from someone else who can be available, emotionally or physically when you need it. There are already too many posts that are either belittling side chicks as the ‘spawn of the devil’ or colluding with them, echoing sentiments such as “you go girl” or “do you!”
You see at first the side chick may feel that she is indeed ‘doing her’. Maybe she’s too busy, no time for a full-time man but as emotional beings the tide will soon change, when she either needs or demands more than this predatory waste man can offer!
Don’t get me wrong, I understand the allure, you may have been wined and dined, he may drop the best sex you have experienced or be there with a honey tongue willing to make you feel like no. 1 but my sugar, you’re not! Your just not! There is a reason he hasn’t left his woman for you, despite his excuses that may include his children, house or any other fuckery complications or complaints. If he truly wants to be with you, he will try and move mountains to do so. The reality is, ‘he is not that into you’, well not enough to actually to change anything (remember the movie?) You are his cheap frill, his beautiful distraction from a reality he has made but doesn’t want to accept full time responsibility for. He is having his cake and eating it too and you are allowing yourself to be used. No honey, you are not using him, he is using you!
Whenever a man lays restrictions down that prevent or limit you from accessing him by lowering your status and worth, it means you are short changing yourself. You’re 20 pence short of pound, you don’t even have 80 pence, he does. He is able to come to you to overload his shit, to boost his ego, to make him feel desirable, wanted and irresistible. Something his woman may not be offering, but you are indeed doing, filling that gap. But unfortunately, not enough for you to take first place in his life. What is preventing him from moving on fully towards you, is that he simply doesn’t want to, he is happy with the way things are, from what he is getting, what you are providing. Why should he change it, if he is benefiting and convincing you, that you are benefiting too!
But how long will you continue?
Something you saw in the beginning, maybe as a little fun, has now meant you are now much more emotionally involved than you thought possible. You start making excuses, “I can’t leave, I love him”, you have grown accustomed to what he is giving you. But unfortunately, here I go again to burst your bubble, its fake! What you are getting is his sloppy seconds and as time moves on, more damage is being done, more excuses being made for why you can’t leave or he doesn’t leave.
Of course, he may have feelings for you, begs you to never leave him. He may say you are his ‘queen’ but not enough to leave his situation. Notice I am not mentioning his poor unsuspecting woman or wife as she probably has enough to deal with. I don’t even really care how you came into this situation what I am saying to you, is to get out! It rarely ends well.
Your self-esteem, self-confidence and worth will be impacted as long as you stay in this role as his cheap frill, his side kick. He doesn’t want you badly enough to leave his current situation, so why should you indulge him further. Are you not worth it? Don’t you deserve more? To be happy with someone who is proud to say you’re his woman, to bring you out and flaunt you about, without a care in the world because your exclusive.
Maybe I am too old-school.. but recently I too was being groomed as a side chick in the making! I was being pursued, NO chased harrrrd and he was showing me things that I had forgotten, making me feel like I was the best thing since sliced bread. Just what I needed, and felt I was lacking. Until eventually his unfortunate but real ‘situation’ came too light and I too had to check myself before I wrecked myself, unknowingly into a false sense of happiness.
You see, some men prey on vulnerability and can pop up, at the right time just when you think you need it and before you get a chance to batter your eyelashes, you can become involved with someone, involved with someone else. You may want to believe their lies, but deep down you know their inaccessibility will cause you pain. In the long run, it will distract you from your core being into becoming an emotional wreck. Now there are plenty of women who will argue this could never ever happen to them, ok good for you! For the rest of the women unhappily caught up in a web, I am saying is time to leave. This convenience is at your expense, to become involved with someone, who is involved with someone else, is dangerous and too risky even if you feel you are fully aware of the implications. Emotions are volatile and unpredictable, deep pain, fears and hurt may surface when you least expect it. You may start moaning, nagging, becoming clingy, needy and almost lose your senses for someone who put simply is a liar, untrustworthy bastard who wants the best of both worlds.
Ask yourself is being by yourself really that bad? Settling for less than your god given worth is something you will need to guard, as there are more and more men trying to dip their toes in many ponds. Don’t let it be your pond. Take back your power! Move out of the space. What advice would give you sisters or daughters? Why not give yourself the same respect. This modern dating has made it far too easy, with the offering of pleasure, physical, sexual pleasure which is short lived but is now the new millennials norm.
Love yourself enough to know when enough is enough. Its just not worth it. I love you enough to tell you to your face (ok through this blog), go get a hobby, realise your passion, create standards that you will not comprise for cheaters who come bearing silver, for a little chance to taste your apple pie. Deep down you know that this situation is not ideal but how long will you let it go on for? Until you meet someone else… really… will you be available to the other person when present him or herself… Will you be able to let go of what you think you have invested… time… energy…love… Or will you wait till his woman finds out and you realise all his lies are just that.. what will it take to free yourself from this shenanigans or keep you trapped… the fear of pain, loneliness, emptiness…is something better than nothing….
You deserve more. This is my side chick alert…take heed siStars.
2018 is about getting the best for yourself.
Join us on my Mind Warrior Training starts Saturday January 20th lets starts as we mean to go on.
Stay strong and be-you-to-full
Naomi x
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