Vajazzle Your Self-Worth & Beat The Bitch!

Vajazzle means to adorn the pubic area (of a woman) with crystals,

glitter, or other decoration.

 

The saddest thing that I hear quite regularly in my classes as well my daily interactions, more so from women, are statements such as ‘I’m so rubbish’, I’m no good’ and ‘I’m stupid.’  Whilst they may seem like throw-away statements, these affirmations are often like repetitive internal monologue’s subconsciously pumping out negative self-talk, not just internally but to everyone in their presence.

It actually makes me quite sad that so many women’s first thought when they can’t do something or experience difficulty is to blame themselves.  This not only makes them the direct target of the criticism, it also permits women to beat them-self up even when it has nothing to do with them!

Most of us know we would rarely tolerate such negative and destructive dialogue from a friend or anyone in fact, who on a daily basis constantly told us ‘you’re so stupid’ and ‘you’re no good’ but yet it seems okay to continually say these things to ourselves! Why?!

Well most of the reason has to do with how we view ourselves, how much we believe in ourselves and what value we place on ourselves.  These in psychological terms are referred to as self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth.  I believe they are the cornerstones towards self-love and self-care.

Although used interchangeably…

Self-esteem is how you feel about yourselves. What do believe about yourself? 

Whereas

Self-worth is the value you place on yourself.  Do you feel you deserve good things?

You can see how closely linked they are and how self-destructive they can be if left unchecked, for example continuously having low self-esteem can lead you to become depressed, withdrawn and lacking in confidence to try new things or experiences.  Whereas if someone has a low self-worth they maybe more likely to accept destructive and negative relationships or situation. For example, staying with a partner or in a job because they feel they cannot do any better or don’t deserve better.

Both are damaging for your personal development, happiness and life fulfilment as they will directly impact your perspective, choices, behaviour and therefore influence the type of life you experience.

For some time, I didn’t actually realise there was a slight difference between self-esteem and self-worth and was confused as I felt I had quite a positive self-image.  However time and time again I kept experiencing varying levels of abuse in my relationships, whether personal, friends, family and colleagues which eventually led me to have a ‘melt down’.  I experienced immense stress, low energy, feeling devalued and a lot of unhappiness about who I was a person, what I was doing and the direction my life was going.  When I discovered the term self-worth I cried tears of relief as I had been given my personal diagnosis to liberation.  For as long as I can remember I allowed myself to be in abusive, destructive, damaging situations and relationships because deep down I felt that this was the best that I could do.  I didn’t even look for better, I laid down and accepted it without question even when it was hurting me.

I want to let you know, that you don’t have to experience this!  Although we may all go through periods where we may not feel good about ourselves, to be constantly in this low vibrational state is soul destroying.  Literally!  Your soul will cry out to you for healing, loving and nurturing, it may start quietly but after a while it will get louder!  So, it is your soul’s purpose to practice self-love and self-care as no one can love you better, which means there will plenty more love to go around. Now go and hug a tree!

 Here are a few things that can help you along this journey of self-love and self-care.  In fact this the reason I call this blog  ‘Vajazzling your Self-Worth’ as its about adorning and nurturing our private and scared part, ‘our inner child’ so that she radiated from the inside out based on our deepest care and love.

 

5 Tips to Vajazzle You’re Self Worth and Beat the Bitch!

 

1.       Be aware of your inner critic ‘the bitch’ inside whose role it is to constantly put you down, sabotage your efforts and destroy your dreams!  You can’t miss her, she never has anything good to say, ‘the bitch’ makes you feel bad.  

Monitor her – when is she is likely to rear her ugly head?  How often?  Which situations?  There may be a pattern.  A helpful tool is to write her negative statements down on a piece of paper in the second person e.g. change ‘I am no good’ to you’re no good’ so you notice how evil ‘the bitch’ is!

 

 2.       Identify where she stems from, e.g. what negative statements were reinforced?  By your parents, school, friends etc.  Unfortunately, our parents may be the first providers for encouraging limiting beliefs and harsh criticism, maybe they kept telling you, you were stupid or, no good!  The good news is that you don’t need to carry this unnecessary baggage with you any longer, its heavy and weighing you down, don’t allow yourself or circumstances to reinforce your inner critic.

 

3.       Differentiate between what is yours and what belongs to someone else.  Sometimes people are guilty of projecting or transferring their fears, doubt and worries onto you, when in fact it actually has nothing to do with you.  Don’t let other people’s shit becomes yours, learn to dodge, pass or move over someone else BS!  Don’t feed the bitch!

 

4.       Demand evidence which refutes these negative doubts, self-talk and internal criticism. What evidence do you have that your stupid, unworthy or no good?  Could it be the task is challenging, new or unfamiliar? Do you require support to fulfil it?  Or are you comparing yourselves unnecessarily to other people?  

Find information or write ‘the bitch’ a reply to dispute her negative criticism.  It could start something like this:

“Dear bitch, why don’t you fuck of!  I may not be the smartest but I have many achievements which have highlighted my brilliance for example…”  Dig deep!

 

5.       Surround yourselves with positive empowering people, environments and behaviour that help to uplift and empower you.  For example, practicing positive self-affirmations, looking for personal examples of achievements, compliments, volunteering for a bigger cause, reading inspirational biographies and books.

 

If you need more support beating ‘the bitch’ you can contact me or come along to the next Angry Vagina Talks where you can connect, share & express with other likeminded women in a safe space.

 

Most of all don’t let the bitch stop you Vajazzling your self-worth!