Baby Mamma I hear you cry. Huh, why she using that term?!
Well let me explain, baby mamma is a term that has been used derogatorily to refer to a mother whose essence has been devalued to just a loud mouth, no-good-baby making machine. Although in fact there is nothing wrong in being a baby-making-machine, it’s the negative connotations that a baby mamma supposedly comes with – a cup full of drama, a dose of baggage and plenty of cussing and attitude that allegedly makes her short of queenly or lady like motherly status.
It’s also a term that more often in the past has been used by black men, to describe many black women who happened to be predominantly raising children single handily. But ‘thanks’ to programs such Jeremy Kyle, we have also seen the terms inclusion for many other mothers, especially in urban areas.
In fact, the urban dictionary defines baby mamma as a,
“A term used to define an unmarried young woman (but can be a woman of any age) who has had a child… a lot of baby mamas are desperate, gold digging, emotionally starved, shady women who had a baby out of spite or to keep a man.”
Wait there’s more…
“She may think she has some sort of position or leverage in the man’s life, just because she had a child with the man, but all she is, is a baby mama, nothing else. Some baby mamas use the child as a pawn or weapon to “get what they want” from the child’s father, IE: money, food, sex, etc.
Wowcher!
Now I’m not saying that this type of behaviour from mothers doesn’t exist. However, I would like to flip this term on its head a little and view ‘baby mama’ behaviour as mirroring a state of mind which like other states of mind, can shift.
When you examine some of the alleged baby mamma behaviour, such as ‘using a child as leverage’, ‘being desperate’ or ‘gold digging’. These behaviours seems to be symptomatic of underlying issues such as powerlessness, frustration and lack of support. This can provide an insight into some of the supposed antics or root causes of baby mama ‘dramas’. I’m not suggesting that that this type of behaviour is acceptable, productive or positive, but the persona of a ‘baby mamma’ as almost being the embarrassing cousin that no one wants around, the loud one, who wears too much make up, with too little clothes and class is equally unhelpful.
Self-fulfilling labels or behavioural conditioning has shown us that negative labelling extends deeper than just words and can have a catastrophic impact on a person’s self-worth, mood, mental health and behaviour.
A World Health Organization report, has named depression as the greatest disease burden for women worldwide. It states childbearing years are a time of increased vulnerability to the onset or recurrence of major depressive disorder.
Depression is also linked to suicide and The British Journal of Psychiatry (2003) states suicide is one of the four leading causes of maternal deaths overall.
If the only defined difference of the term ‘baby mamma’ is whether the mother is married or not, then how many mothers see themselves as just that a ‘baby mama’! What does that say about the role of mothers birthing our future?
If you were to speak to my (cough) baby daddy’s – lol, I’m show they would say that I have been guilty at times in their eyes of displaying some of these so called baby mamma behaviour.
However, the powerlessness, frustration and lack of support that some mothers and in particular single mothers experience, are they not within their rights to express, or vent their frustration when they need to? Regardless of who may or may not appreciate it. The hoops and dramas that single parents, mothers, often have to go through to perform simple duties is a heart attack short of amusing.
As a mother who fits into this category, I reject the label ‘baby mama’ and chose to empower myself as a ‘Fit Mamma’.
Fit meaning “of a suitable quality, standard, or type to meet the required purpose.” lol
I have to be fit in body, mind and spirit to conduct my vital role at a certain quality or standard and I encourage other mamma’s to empower themselves to seek and take action when required in order to maintain their wellbeing. Protection for them, their child(ren) and future generations.
It’s a Fit Mammas RIGHT –
To cry or express herself when she becomes frustrated or tired and to request or demand help and support when she needs it.
Damn it! Being a Fit Mamma means –
– that I may chose to leave the dirty dishes, laundry, or housework until I am ready to continue.
– that I can to choose to tell my kids – ‘Time out’ or ‘Not Now’ in order to re-group and re-fresh and then go back to bed if I need to.
– to be free, childlike, silly and laugh uncontrollable at nonsense. Okay maybe that last one is after a few glasses! – We deserve it.
You get my drift, my main point is to not be defined by derogatory labels or unrealistic ideals and standards of what it is to be a good mother or a bad one, single parent or not.
Fit Mamma’s Mantra:
I am fit enough to know that I will try my best and when my best is not good enough I will get over it, but there is no way I will belittle, devalue or criticize myself for my efforts.
Fit Mamma Loud and Proud!
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