Tinder not so Tender.

OMG!  Is it just me or does dating in recent times just feel so horrendous.  I’m almost between begging for an arranged marriage or just straight up living in a convent!  The men that are available and coming my way are definitely not the Keith Sweat old-time-loving type of men, who knew how to woo a woman and make her toes curl.  They seem more like Justin Bieber, the young and immature type, singing “is it too late to say sorry?” Yes it friggin is!!! Now F-off!  Lol

I mean I am definitely not man bashing, but I think that because I’m old enough to remember previous dating strategies, that consisted of a slower build up, getting to know each, learning about likes/dislikes, actually dating, to this modern type of fast paced swipe left dating that has now become the norm, it all just makes me slightly dizzy.

Whilst I can’t deny the advantage of dating site and apps such as Tinder, POF which mean that you can now meet a wide array of guys relatively quickly without even stepping out of your home.  Perfect for a mother with kids (like me), as I can do it, lying on the couch, with an oversized stained t-shirt, sipping Ginger wine!  You also get to meet guys from areas that you would never really have the opportunity to meet, which is also a plus, long-gone are the days where guys would stop and chat me up on the street! lol 

I’ve even been to some clubs, ok not recently but the last time I was at a club, the guys and gyals almost seemed like they had gender repellent on.  Both just co-existing without acknowledging the other.  And yes I hear the sistars cry, that it’s not about going out to meet guys bah blah blah, but is there really anything wrong with having fun and flirting at the same time?!  Anyway it’s usually these same women whining that their single.

And the brothers seem to have left their spines at home, as more and more of them keep telling me that they can’t deal with rejection and that they have feelings too!  Yes yes, I hear that, but bruv put down the organic moisturiser and take off those skinny jeans – in fact jeggings and man up!  How different is rejection from the past?!  It was equally as cruel, but didn’t the men of yesteryear brush it off, move on and survive to live another tale?!  Come on we all remember the guy in the club who just moved from woman to woman, trying to chat them up, whilst we mocked him with our friends but in the end he usually had the last laugh as some woman would finally accept his advances, whilst we went home alone. Perseverance is key.

 I think the issue is that men nowadays don’t want to make the effort, it has become too much work, when they can do less for more.  So they may think why bother right?!  It’s not even about asking the universe for a man with a car and job.  Now it seems that trying to even move from the ‘friend’ or even f***k buddy zone into a commitment is a Godsend.

 I mean the new type of popular guy around is – The Mr-Milk-The-Cow-But-Not Buy, type of guy.

The one where they want to give, pretend and take everything that suggests you are in a committed or exclusive relationship – treat you well, take you out, spend time with you, even becoming integrated within your life, until you start to question the relationship status, or try to gain clarification.  Then they are quick, to tell you that they are happy being single and why can’t you enjoy what ‘it’ is…  But what is ‘it’?  It is nothing!  That’s what ‘it’ is!  Well actually it is “I-can-move-on-at-any-time-as- you-knew-I-was-never-committed-from-the-start!!!”

Ladies, don’t think this type is specific to younger guys, the older ones are even worst!  I’m talking men over 50 acting like they are in their 30’s because they can. Please don’t fool yourself that this will change, it rarely does.  If you’re being milked, stop producing milk and then see exactly where you stand.  This guy will tell you what you want to hear, but he’s even smarter as he actually tells you the truth from the start, albeit in small print.   The worst thing is that this type of guy won’t have a problem moving on and getting married to someone else, and usually someone that they couldn’t milk so easily.

 Again I always say it – its about self-worth, self-respect and self-esteem.  I really understand, it’s so hard to meet people when you have been single for a while, you have children, you work and you cannot go out as much. I understand, I’m the woman (in the past) who would date the man with no teeth and one leg, because I thought he would appreciate me, only to be dumped when he got veneers and 2 legs!  Don’t accept being treated second best, especially when you can do ‘bad all by myself’.  No a waste man is not better than nothing – it’s not!! As ‘nothing’ doesn’t hurt you in the long run.  Also stop looking at your friend’s relationship as you never know what she may not be telling you and what is happening behind closed doors.  She maybe accepting something you never ever would or could!  We all have our limits and personal standards.

Saying all of this please don’t get me wrong, dating apps are not all bad, I hear of beautiful love stories where people have met on these apps and have been together for years and that is wonderful, some even getting married.  I’ve even had a few romantic encounters that have lasted passed the 6mths mark.  These apps and sites are definitely vital and necessary for modern dating.  So believe me I am definitely not knocking them.

 In fact, Tinder has taught me:

1.       Don’t take dating so seriously that you lose your sense of humour and become over-sensitive e.g. don’t take non replies personally, they have just swiped to someone more appealing. Just like you will.

2.       Anyone who texts just ‘Hi’ – is usually in the dry and boring category.

3.       If they seem too eager to exchange numbers before even exchanging a few lines in correspondences they will usually be too full on from the start.  No dating, just straight into a 9mth relationship when you’ve only met for one drink.

4.       Equally if you’ve have been texting and there are no signs of getting off the app and moving to the next phase, then this guy is just fishing, usually has lots of options and will be non-committal.

5.       Also remember quantity is not quality, its fast for a reason, easy come – easy go. Try to maintain a pace or standard you feel comfortable with.

6.       Feel free to ask for pics which are recent i.e. this century and not photoshopped and take 4 inches off their stated height!

 

 Well what I can I say except if your single, dive in, swim, float but most of all Happy Fishing!

 Naomi x